Self-Doubt

Do you have thoughts where you doubt yourself?

We ALL have thoughts of self-doubt at times. They only vary by how often we have them and the intensity of them, which all depends upon how much ‘airtime’ we give them. With this, there can be an investment in ‘getting it right’ or trying to be perfect for fear of something bad happening to us. Perfectionism can often be wrapped up with self-doubt.

This can stem from trying to please others: our parents, teachers, family, friends, partners, children. To keep them happy and to keep them from perhaps being upset or angry with us.  It’s like there is a fear underneath it all that says “if I don’t do this right, I will be harmed” and perhaps “am I good enough/smart enough/pretty enough?” and/or “can I really do this?” or “will I get into trouble for doing this/saying this?”.

These can all be part of the pattern of self-doubt, where we are trying to get it ‘right’.

But do we ever question where our definition of ‘right’ comes from?  And even perhaps why we are so afraid of ‘getting it wrong’? These are a great place to begin, to examine all the ideals and beliefs we may hold about ourselves and about others. From where did those originate from and why? Great questions to ask, in openness and with honesty.

Our thoughts of self-doubt can be intense at times, and we can allow ourselves to be caught up in worry, seemingly swept away by it all. We can feel as if we need to know the right answer to a problem in life, and with this needing, we place ourselves in a vicious loop of laser-like focus on the ‘problem’.  This brings an intensification and an emphasis to the problem, magnifying it and actually heightening our feelings of doubt.  When we doubt ourselves and our ability to come to an answer to a problem, the more emphasis we place on this doubt, the more intensified it becomes – like it’s on constant repeat in our head.

But what if we have been so caught up in the thoughts in our head, emphasising the problem and only the problem, that we lose sight of what we are feeling inside?

Doubting ourselves can easily present when we are simply not present with ourselves and what it is we are feeling in the moment. We ALL have the answers deep inside to any seeming issue, problem, or challenge we face in life. But when doubt creeps in, we lose connection inside, and things become complicated and unclear to us. Things become clouded.

Perhaps we simply do not want to feel the feelings that lie underneath, as they might be painful to feel. This is understandable, as sometimes what we might be feeling in the moment can seem very overwhelming. At times, it may feel like there is no escape and these are certainly the times when support from another is critical, particularly if there are thoughts of self-harm that arise.

But know that you are never alone: not in the thoughts and certainly not in self-doubt. There are always others here for support, whether that be a good friend, a neighbour, or even a call for a chat to someone in the Lifeline support network.  There is always someone to turn to, no matter what we are going through in life, even though it may not seem that way in the moment.

It’s important to know you are not alone, and that thoughts of intense self-doubt can happen with any one of us. The key is to identify the simple ways to support yourself when these arise. Reaching out for support from others is crucial in instances where we feel overwhelm. There are many helpline services in Australia to support, such as Lifeline, Beyond Blue and more. A counsellor can also provide support to help unpack what might be going on for you.